Lovers, rejoice. Greggs, the multi-chain store which offers you a sausage roll at shockingly low prices are also secret romantics. Rather, they were. The announcement that shocked everyone into what we can only assume was a fit of laughter was that Greggs is to offer a sit down meal with prosecco this coming valentines day.
Single slice pepperoni and steak slices aside, nothing says love more than an iced finger, sorry, Greggs iced finger… (We are actually going to hell for that one!)
So it had us all thinking here at The Mouthful towers, what other chains could provide an alternative in a valentines day themed escapade?
Enjoy lashings of udon noodles soups and broths; don’t hold back on side dishes that cost that bit extra, it’s your evening to shine, and naturally, do all of this sat next to complete strangers. Could there be anything more romantic than being seated next to a couple you don’t know but seem to getting all the relationship goals right on this special night? It’s ok, that’s what Ben &Jerry’s was invented for, stress eating and crying at our love life failures.
They’ve owned the word, “cheeky” in the last decade and lads, we’re just saying, put on your best Rockport, shell suit and medallion because you know better than anyone else, you’re gonna get some. Chicken, that is. Burnt edges with those Piri Piri Chips, possibly a starter order of olives or red salsa dip. Show how much of a man you are by going all out on extra hot spice, the ladies love it. It’s the culinary version of a handbrake turn in your Vauxhall corsa, It Will send your loved one into a shuddering, flustered wreck.
Who said romance died the day you could smell a neighbouring patrons body odour over the three course meal for a fiver you’re tucking into? No one who has spent a valentine’s at a Weatherspoons. Bistrot delight for £20 a head? No, you have that Romanian fillet of beef to enjoy for a few quid and enough change left over for a turn on the one arm bandit casino games. Don’t look now everyone, this is Romance turned up to 11 for the 17 old in you, not our readers. Nope, definitely not our readers.
Nothing says romance like the intimate experience of shelling peanuts for your loved one. This all comes after the highly stressful ordering of the latest bohemeth burger in order to impress your evening companion. This is Attenborough’s bird of paradise peacock strut for the middle class couple trying to impress one another in a food court. Like our Nando’s friends, be prepared to showoff with your selection of jalapeno peppers or other such spicy accoutrements that may have a positive effect on your libido. Finish your evening by playing the guessing game as to what else was in your burger through the inocuos Game of kiss and tell…
It won’t be hard to find one of these if you live in London. They’re on every corner and you direct your way home by saying, “turn left at the third Pret and take the a right after the fifth.” This is some serious love talk and by going to Pret, you’re showing how serious you really are. “I like the look of the salad” is a green light on your general appearance, or, “fit!” as they would say on Love Island, apparently. Ordering a free trade beverage indicates sincerity, and by splitting that Bakewell tart you’re showing that you’re a keeper. Don’t be fooled by everything avocado, and be extra careful when ordering a wine; echoes of “Merlot” may show you have a drinking problem.